My first interview for tenure-track today!
I felt a little … screw-uppy at first,
- “Am I saying too much?”
- “Am I saying the wrong things?”
- “Oh, I should have sounded more sure of myself when I said that!”
My talk went well, which was a big confidence boost. The afternoon and rest of the day seemed to go well, maybe because I felt more self-assured.
But still, there are those worries.
- Can I do the type of teaching they want? It is so different than what I’m used to! But so much like what I often think I want to do.
- Would I fit in here?
- Will they offer me the job?
- What if they do, can I handle what they want from me?
- What if …
I remembered something I tell students.
Do the work, and trust the process.
Ultimately, the school and I have the same goal. They want a candidate that is a good fit for their position who can thrive here. I want to be a good candidate who will thrive. We are not enemies, there is no right or wrong, and while it would be nice to be picked, it is not the end of the world if I am not.
I’ve done my work. From here I have to trust the process will provide an answer. That answer won’t be the answer for always. Whatever I do, things will be different.
“We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart.”
― Pema Chödrön
One step at a time I move forward. Two more interviews (scheduled, ticketed, paid for) to go, guaranteed, and maybe one more than that. I will know a lot more about my options are when they are done. And more yet if I do or do not get job offers. And no matter what, I will be okay.