I was at a big conference this weekend, and I saw a friend from graduate school. We remembered a few people, and she remembered some that I don’t. It made me realize (not for the first time), that I leave things behind. I move on, and I move forward. I might keep a few people in my life, a few things. I leave a lot of things and people behind. They fade from my memory as I stop thinking about them, and eventually they go away and it is as if they had never been there at all.
Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I have a good memory, in general, but apparently that is only for short-term things, and perhaps only the things I notice.
I wonder if I don’t bond with people the right way. That disrupted family of origin thing. Then I recall that I have one friend that dates back to when I was 6 years old, and other that dates to when we were 11 or 12. Maybe it’s not that. Maybe it’s just that things are the way they are; you have to put your bad experiences behind you and move forward.
How much do people remember, and about what things? We all remember different things. Maybe I remember as much as anyone does. It is impossible to know for sure.
Leaving things behind can be a good thing, since everything changes. We cannot remain centered on our most negative experiences. Let them go and move forward. Forget the details. Forget the bigger things. Don’t stress about it.
One thing that has gotten broken this past year is my writing habit, and it is one I would like to restore. When I was writing here regularly, I was better able to find things I wanted to say regularly. Out of the habit, today I am struggling with what I should write.
One thing I learned from Gretchen Rubin’s Better Than Before (and I didn’t even finish reading that book or count it as a book I read this year) is that I am someone who is great at keeping obligations to others, but not so great at keeping promises to myself, or just doing things that I should do. Meeting friends to exercise worked for me on so many levels. I bundled work with fun and social time. And I had a situation in which I was obligated to others to show up, which helped me keep an obligation that I wanted for myself.
I did finish reading Charles Duhigg’s Power of Habit which told me that when our lives are in flux, it is easier to change our habits — or have them changed on us. Habits are powerful. Mine are messed up. I am out of my groove, and wondering if I can get it back.
So, tonight, my goal is to post this post, regardless of quality. And for the rest of the week it is to make one more post. Regardless of quality. And to try to keep that up. If you are a reader, and an encourager, I welcome comments — and even reminders if you notice I haven’t posted in a while. I can’t guarantee a prod will work, but it sure won’t hurt.
One thing I learned when I started writing here regularly was the power of having a very modest goal. My goal is 250 words (and 200 is acceptable). Put together a 250 word post — that won’t necessarily take longer than a half an hour. And post it! That’s short enough that I can do that regularly. Maybe for a while I should cut that goal down to 150-200 words, until I feel like I am back in my habit. Will I ever be back in good habits in general? I don’t know. But if I don’t start, that’s a definite answer of no.
Some things I am grateful for today:
- I am grateful that I made this post tonight.
- I am grateful for warm slippers.
- I am grateful that I haven’t had to shovel snow for about a week!
- I am grateful for YakTrax which keep me from sliding around on ice and snow.
- I am grateful for all the people who remembered me over the holidays when I wasn’t pulling myself together to send anything to them.
And that is 400+ words, so I guess even if quality is minimal, I am doing okay.